Bow the Knee ~ PART 2

*If you have not read Part 1 of this post, please go here and read, then come back here. . .

PART 2
(Keith's voice)

That night the first indication of just how inadequate I was. . .indeed we were. . .in fighting this war became evident.  It wasn't long before I began the connection between what my grandparents had done, long before I was born, and what Kris and I were facing now.  Those connections came slowly. . .and reluctantly. . .but as each day played itself out, they became clearer.

I've never been at ease when it comes to revealing personal feelings or sharing personal convictions.  Kris has long endured that lack of bonding in our lives.  I can't explain it away, nor can I excuse it. . .it's just the  way I've always been.  Personal relationships are just that. . .personal. . . even with Christ.  I've always felt at ease with those internal relationships and at times I would get angry when Kris would interject her feelings toward me about that subject. . .prying and cajoling. . .needing me to share with her how I felt personally and sharing those things with her intimately.  It wasn't easy. . .and I had to be patient and was not always successful doing so.  It was a personal war of sorts.  It wasn't that I didn't want to share those things with her. . .It's just that her idea of how to do it and my idea of how to do it didn't always mesh.  Down deep she knew who I was and understood that there was a sincere conviction and never doubted that I had a personal relationship with Christ.  At times we would talk basic theology and she always enjoyed those moments as did I, but she needed more. . .wanted more.  It was a personal war I struggled with. . .and still do even now.  I tended to show by example as best as I could, and was never good at sharing with the touchy feely emotional things.

I suppose that is why I struggled with our son's situation in the beginning as I was a fixer. . .a doer. . .if something was broke, I repaired it.  I couldn't fix this.  No amount of words. . .no amount of patching. . .no amount of fighting could fix this.  There had to be another way.

I began to do what my grandparents had done, often in the evening, not unlike Kris walking into her prayer closet for a close communion with God.  I would kneel beside our son's old bed in his now vacant room and pray for his safety. . .for his return to normalcy. . .for God not to abandon him or his purpose for his life because our old Tim was still there. . .just lost and muffled by the confusion in his life.

I began to let go of the anger and fear. . .it wasn't completely gone, but it was beginning to subside as I began to better understand what was required to fight this war.  One evening, that nightmare I call "The Warning" began to creep back into my thoughts and it became more and more apparent the events of that dream were far too real to have been simply a dream.  We saw how Tim's life was heading toward mediocrity at best. . .disaster at worst. . .and it was then I began to understand that we were in a war. . .a war for Tim's life. . .for his future. . .for our family.  Satan was attacking us, I had no doubt, to what end I was uncertain.  The measure of the seriousness of the situation not totally poured out just yet, but it was clear, our enemy was fighting this war in a serious manner using dangerous weapons, and like in the nightmare when I was shoved aside, I knew I was not capable of fighting this war alone, nor were the weapons I was fighting with. . .fear, anger, anguish. . .adequate to win.  That evening I prayed a prayer I have never prayed before. . .but the words just flowed from my heart.  I asked God to fight this war for us, to surround Tim and our family with his soldier angels. . .swords drawn in our defense. . .denying access to Satan and his army of darkness.

The next day, I knew I had to involve Kris in this battle plan and when I returned home from work, we sat down and I explained to her what had happened.  She immediately responded with enthusiasm, and together, right then, we knelt beside our bed and began fighting this war in earnest. . .beseeching God as our General. . .humbling ourselves to His will in our son's life. . .requesting for battle hardened angels to stand with us. . .swords drawn. . .battle lines declared.  Even though the war was destined for a long siege. . .we arose to our feet in victory.  We have made it a habit to continue this regularly including our younger son and others in those solemn requests for intervention.

This war is being fought on two fronts. . . Tim's and our own personal fears and self doubts.  But, where there was despair. . .there is now hope, anger. . .there is now compassion, frustration. . .there is now, understanding.  The war is not over.  There is much for us to learn, much for us to humble ourselve for, but. . .the outcome is in God's hands. . .not ours.  If He chooses to use us as warriors in these battles. . .we can have no doubt its outcome.

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Did I mention Keith is my hero?

"Come, let us bow down in worship,

Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker."

Psalm 95:6  

After 25 years on bended knee the longings and sighings of my heart were answered with a yes.  The answer was "wait" for those 25 years.  And then came "yes".  I don't question the timing for I believe His timing is best.  He was teaching me during those 25 years things like patience, committment, unconditonal love, grace, and that my fullfillment should be in Him, my Savior, not another person.  And I am at peace now waiting for another longing. . .I believe I am in the "wait" stages again, and wait I will.  I believe. . .I trust. . .and with my husband now at my side, in the presence of the King, we bow the knee together.



This picture was drawn by our younger son who was hurting right along with us during the dark days.  He was 15 at the time and he added the verse Ephesians 6:10-17 with it.  He was leaning on the Lord just as we were and still is.  He is now 19 and at Western Kentucky University studying Religious Studies and Art.  He is waiting patiently too.

ChristopherBridgman

"Be strong, in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteouseness in place, and with your feet filled with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all of this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Ephesians 6:10-17

I have always been a strong believer in prayer but not until I heard this song, did I practice the bowing of the knee.  When I humble myself in that position, His presence is so strong, I feel if I reached out, I would actually feel the hem of his garment. I get goosebumps every time! This is the song that led me to my knees over 20 years ago in the closet. . .a practice I still carry on and now my husband does beside me. Click the link below and enjoy!
http://youtu.be/x9z6l1PXsFE