Bow the Knee ~ Part 1

I wrote a book about our journey through prodigalism. . .this chapter is more about my husband and myself and we wanted to share at this time hoping it will encourage someone out there in however God chooses to do so. . .and to God be the glory!

MY HUSBAND
"All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;

My sighing is not hidden from you."

Psalm 38:9

My husband Keith has been a Christian since he was nine years old and as I've said before is a wonderful man, husband and father.  He is also a quiet man who keeps a lot to himself.  This used to frustrate me so earlier in our marriage because I would want him to be more vocal about his Christianity and it just wasn't him.  I didn't expect him to be an evangelist; I just wanted that spiritual intimacy to be so strong between us, as husband and wife.

My mother would always say regarding Keith, "Still waters run deep."  This was a perfect quote describing him.  Keith is a wonderful writer and his deepest thoughts come through in his writings.  I felt once I started reading these, I started to understand him a little better.  My reading in the Bible where it told me my role as wife was to respect him also helped.  It doesn't say that I had to understand him or to always agree with him but I was to respect him, and he was worthy in so many ways of respect.  Because I loved him so and was seeing how deep his soul really was, it became easier for me to let go of my longing.  I had longed for Keith to pray with me and be passionate about it but this had not been something he was comfortable doing out loud.  Once in awhile we would pray together but it was not the norm for us.  I prayed for God to work in him and also in me to accept and love him even if we never had this one part that I so wanted.  God was helping me to let go of it.  I had not always been patient about this, but as I grew older and desired to become more mature in my walk with the Lord, I became much more comfortable with things the way they were.

When our prodigal son left us, it shattered my husband Keith as it did me.  He struggled mostly in his quiet way until one day, he came home from work and said he HAD to talk with me about something.

As you read the rest from my sweet husband, notice the awesome faithfulness and goodness the Lord brought to me and to him through this very difficult time.  *note. . .this was into our 25th year of marriage, 5 years ago*

Keith's Voice

War is never pretty, always difficult and costly, and in many cases the victor is as vanquished as the loser, once it's all said and done.  Yet, there are times when those battles must be fought.  Fighting an unexpected war when unprepared complicates matters immensely.  Fighting them without allies is almost impossible.

During the depth of our despair as our son began his spiraling detour in life, I recalled how my grandmother told me about how she and my grandfather would humble themselves everyday and pray for the safety of their only child...my dad.  You see, he was in harms way having been sent overseas to the South Pacific during World War Two, and numerous times found himself engaged in situations where he could have easily been killed...and indeed almost was on several occasions.  My grandparents could not be there to protect him, nor even if they could have been there, they were not strong enough to do so.  They instead turned to the one who could.  Every morning and every eveing, they humbled themsleves and knelt on tired knees, bowing their head in reverance and asked God to deliver my dad from the evil that surrounded him.  God honored their prayers.

As I recalled their story, and the nightmare I had dreamed of our son years ago, I began to understand that God did not want, nor did he intend for us to fight certain battles on our own.  We're just not strong enough.  The lives of our two boys and indeed our family, were at stake and we found ourselves thrust into a war with far reaching consequences. . .consequences that we could never know the depths of.  No matter how much we wanted to or were willing to fight the battles of this war, we could never win on our own.

When our prodigal began his downward turn,we were thrust into a war of a different kind. . .one that was unexpected. . .one in which we were unprepared.  The weapons of war we began these battles with were anger, frustration, bewilderment, fear, anguish, and fatigue.  Our battle lines were drawn for us and we were constantly reacting to a different situation almost every day.  Our battle plan was confrontation. . .our results were defeat.  We needed a general who commanded a strong army to fight this war for us.

One evening I could not sleep as the weight of my son's dilemma pressed heavy against my heart and I found myself sitting on the couch in the wee hours of the morning with head in hands trying to make sense of what was happening.  Tears began to drop one by one running down my arm, dripping on the carpet.  A sense of despair began to collapse in around me as it seemed our son was driving himself into a life of chaos and mediocrity. . .far below what he could achieve. . .far less than what we believed capable of him. . .far away from the Godly upbringing we endowed upon him.


That night the first indication of just how inadequate I was. . .indeed we were. . .in fighting this war became evident. It wasn't long before I began the connection between what my grandparents had done, long before I was born, and what Kris and I were facing now. Those connections came slowly. . .and reluctantly. . .but as each day played itself out, they became clearer.

Stay tuned for the conclusion of this chapter in my next post...Part 2...and see how God answered my 25 year longing...also see a piece of artwork by younger son who bows to his Heavenly Father and used his artistic talent as therapy during that time.  And then hear a beautiful piece at the end, the one that led me to the practice of bowed knees over 20 years ago.