Why a blog from me, someone who has never been a writer, someone who has never been articulate or had a solid grasp of the grammar world. Because God told me to write. Several years ago a life storm invaded my family. God kept telling me to write it all down. I argued, but He would not let up. This went on every day for a couple of weeks until one day out of frustration, (I'd like to say it was out of obedience), I picked up a pen and paper and wrote for 7 hours straight! Do you think maybe I needed therapy and God knew it?

I've been writing ever since and have learned to love it! I started out sharing my stories with friends and family. I've now been published in a Nashville church paper, Our Daily Journey (a devotional site of RBC Ministries), PCCWeb Daily Devotional, Ruby for Women Ezine Magazine, and I am a contributor in the book Alabaster Jars, Life in Abundance Collection 2.

Why Ponderings? During this life storm, God led me to a pond in the woods behind my home. There He met me each time, teaching new lessons, reminding me of old ones, showing His presence and allowing me to feel His love through the surroundings of that pond. I found myself returning over and over to ponder, pray and praise. A healing of my heart took place and out of the experience came my first book, Ponderings From the Pond, then a second book, Ponderings From My Porch, and now a third book is in the works along with a memoir about my storm.

Why am I making myself so vulnerable? Because God has done so much that I cannot keep quiet. I have to share. Jesus's last words to his desciples were, "Go,tell." We are his disciples too and this is just one of my ways of telling.

I'm no scholar but I have heard God's voice in my spirit, experience His love daily, and have a desire for others to experience this also. I would love to share with all who visit and I would love to hear from you. If my sharing gets just one to ponder, to be quiet with the Father, to see and hear from Him or to be reminded of something from Him, then this is worth my vulnerability.

As you visit me, sometimes we will be at the pond, sometimes we will move to the front porch, and sometimes we will just be here, there, and yonder. Thank you for coming and please feel free to come back anytime, you are always welcome here.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19:14


My first book, Ya Know What I'm Say'n, has been released.



Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Bow the Knee ~ PART 2

*If you have not read Part 1 of this post, please go here and read, then come back here. . .

(Keith's voice)

That night the first indication of just how inadequate I was. . .indeed we were. . .in fighting this war became evident.  It wasn't long before I began the connection between what my grandparents had done, long before I was born, and what Kris and I were facing now.  Those connections came slowly. . .and reluctantly. . .but as each day played itself out, they became clearer.

I've never been at ease when it comes to revealing personal feelings or sharing personal convictions.  Kris has long endured that lack of bonding in our lives.  I can't explain it away, nor can I excuse it. . .it's just the  way I've always been.  Personal relationships are just that. . .personal. . . even with Christ.  I've always felt at ease with those internal relationships and at times I would get angry when Kris would interject her feelings toward me about that subject. . .prying and cajoling. . .needing me to share with her how I felt personally and sharing those things with her intimately.  It wasn't easy. . .and I had to be patient and was not always successful doing so.  It was a personal war of sorts.  It wasn't that I didn't want to share those things with her. . .It's just that her idea of how to do it and my idea of how to do it didn't always mesh.  Down deep she knew who I was and understood that there was a sincere conviction and never doubted that I had a personal relationship with Christ.  At times we would talk basic theology and she always enjoyed those moments as did I, but she needed more. . .wanted more.  It was a personal war I struggled with. . .and still do even now.  I tended to show by example as best as I could, and was never good at sharing with the touchy feely emotional things.

I suppose that is why I struggled with our son's situation in the beginning as I was a fixer. . .a doer. . .if something was broke, I repaired it.  I couldn't fix this.  No amount of words. . .no amount of patching. . .no amount of fighting could fix this.  There had to be another way.

I began to do what my grandparents had done, often in the evening, not unlike Kris walking into her prayer closet for a close communion with God.  I would kneel beside our son's old bed in his now vacant room and pray for his safety. . .for his return to normalcy. . .for God not to abandon him or his purpose for his life because our old Tim was still there. . .just lost and muffled by the confusion in his life.

I began to let go of the anger and fear. . .it wasn't completely gone, but it was beginning to subside as I began to better understand what was required to fight this war.  One evening, that nightmare I call "The Warning" began to creep back into my thoughts and it became more and more apparent the events of that dream were far too real to have been simply a dream.  We saw how Tim's life was heading toward mediocrity at best. . .disaster at worst. . .and it was then I began to understand that we were in a war. . .a war for Tim's life. . .for his future. . .for our family.  Satan was attacking us, I had no doubt, to what end I was uncertain.  The measure of the seriousness of the situation not totally poured out just yet, but it was clear, our enemy was fighting this war in a serious manner using dangerous weapons, and like in the nightmare when I was shoved aside, I knew I was not capable of fighting this war alone, nor were the weapons I was fighting with. . .fear, anger, anguish. . .adequate to win.  That evening I prayed a prayer I have never prayed before. . .but the words just flowed from my heart.  I asked God to fight this war for us, to surround Tim and our family with his soldier angels. . .swords drawn in our defense. . .denying access to Satan and his army of darkness.

The next day, I knew I had to involve Kris in this battle plan and when I returned home from work, we sat down and I explained to her what had happened.  She immediately responded with enthusiasm, and together, right then, we knelt beside our bed and began fighting this war in earnest. . .beseeching God as our General. . .humbling ourselves to His will in our son's life. . .requesting for battle hardened angels to stand with us. . .swords drawn. . .battle lines declared.  Even though the war was destined for a long siege. . .we arose to our feet in victory.  We have made it a habit to continue this regularly including our younger son and others in those solemn requests for intervention.

This war is being fought on two fronts. . . Tim's and our own personal fears and self doubts.  But, where there was despair. . .there is now hope, anger. . .there is now compassion, frustration. . .there is now, understanding.  The war is not over.  There is much for us to learn, much for us to humble ourselve for, but. . .the outcome is in God's hands. . .not ours.  If He chooses to use us as warriors in these battles. . .we can have no doubt its outcome.


Did I mention Keith is my hero?

"Come, let us bow down in worship,
Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker."
Psalm 95:6  

After 25 years on bended knee the longings and sighings of my heart were answered with a yes.  The answer was "wait" for those 25 years.  And then came "yes".  I don't question the timing for I believe His timing is best.  He was teaching me during those 25 years things like patience, committment, unconditonal love, grace, and that my fullfillment should be in Him, my Savior, not another person.  And I am at peace now waiting for another longing. . .I believe I am in the "wait" stages again, and wait I will.  I believe. . .I trust. . .and with my husband now at my side, in the presence of the King, we bow the knee together.

This picture was drawn by our younger son who was hurting right along with us during the dark days.  He was 15 at the time and he added the verse Ephesians 6:10-17 with it.  He was leaning on the Lord just as we were and still is.  He is now 19 and at Western Kentucky University studying Religious Studies and Art.  He is waiting patiently too.

"Be strong, in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteouseness in place, and with your feet filled with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all of this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Ephesians 6:10-17

I have always been a strong believer in prayer but not until I heard this song, did I practice the bowing of the knee.  When I humble myself in that position, His presence is so strong, I feel if I reached out, I would actually feel the hem of his garment. I get goosebumps every time! This is the song that led me to my knees over 20 years ago in the closet. . .a practice I still carry on and now my husband does beside me. Click the link below and enjoy!


Nylse said...

God's timing is not ours - but it is best!
Seems you need some technical help embedding youtube videos and linking to previous posts.

Love the song!

ells said...

Kris...I love to see how God comes and redeems...even in the midst of the pain He give you a gift...taking your marriage to a deeper place...side by side...kneeling in prayer. thanks for sharing your story....continued prayers...

Jenn said...

Boy...you are tearing my up here! :) My husband is very much as you describe yourself, Keith. Oh goodness...I so needed to read this. Thank you for sharing your heart! I'm just going to keep praying and waiting. God is Sovereign!

Jennie Morgan said...

I loved this story when you told me about it but I love it even more hearing it from Keith's own words! I do think there's a good lesson for all of us in this, though. Even though God did give you the desire of your heart to have Keith pray with you, we all still need to be so careful not to judge others whose relationship with Christ isn't expressed exactly the way our's is. Sometimes we just need to rest in the fact that we know someone loves Jesus even if their expression of it is in a much quieter way than ours. I'm glad to be reminded of this. And I'm glad to be one of those who is continuing to fight Satan for the life and heart of your precious Tim. Love you all!

Cora from Hidden Riches said...

This was a hard read for me today, Kristin. It's one thing to be a prodigal daughter and come back to the Heavenly Father and know that all is forgiven by Him. It's another thing to see the anguish on a parent's face and know the pain I caused my family for so many years. To read Keith's side ---- all I could see was my Dad's heart here.
It is amazing what God can do in each life that is involved. This was so beautiful, to see both of you draw closer to the Lord and to each other. I'm so thankful for your testimony, your willingness to open your broken heart and share it here. You bring such hope and faith and trust in your Heavenly Father, and it strengthens us to never give up pounding on the gates of Heaven. I'm there with you praying!

Denise said...

God's timing is always right on time.

Vicky said...

Such a heart wrenching and honest post. I know it had to have cost you something on a very personal level to share this with us. Thank you for trusting us with your story and for being an example of a believer and follower. I pray on my knees and feel so grounded when I do. And in my deepest and darkest hour, I have laid with my arms outstretched and my heart grounded to the earth- its a very profound feeling.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony about His perfect timing in all things!

Love and blessings to you!

Lisa Maria said...

Hello dear friend

I agree that Keith is an awesome writer! Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us. It is always a blessing to visit your place and be encouraged. We are going through our own trials now and sometimes its really difficult to try to encourage my husband, feeling burdened myself. Thank you for this really timely reminder to 'bow the knee' and 'trust in the heart of our Father'.

Love and Hugs from over the seas

Moments of Grace said...

i cannot find the words to tell you how this post has touched my heart. Although I am not married, I am a firm believer in the power of united prayer. My father is a gifted minister and I have seen the results of prayer as he and my precious mother prayed together for me and my brothers.
How wonderful to read your husband's words and to know that God does answer prayer. Though you may not see the end result with your oldest son as yet, God is still in control and the Heavenly army still stands in defense.
I am also completely captivated by Christopher's portrayal of the angelic warrior. Awesome!!
I stand with you in prayer and will continue to follow your writing. You have given me hope and encouragement today.
Blessings to you.
In Grace,

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I know now what it is to be in a spiritual battle for my son. It is intense, frightening. The only comfort at times is trusting that God is bigger than the enemy.

I continue to pray for your prodigal.

Your honesty is a breath of fresh air. I get tired of visiting blogs that just share the good. How can we learn from just the good? We learn from the good, the bad and the ugly side of life.

Kristin Bridgman said...

Nylse, I'm working on learning the technical stuff ;)

ells, yes, gifts in the despair, isn't He so good like that? ;) Thank you for your faithful prayers!

Jenn, yes, HE is sovereign! Praise the Lord.

Jennie, you KNOW how I feel about you!!! :)

Cora, I'm so sorry this was hard for you to read. But you are home and parents rejoice! You don't need to anguish anymore, Praise the Lord! Thank you too, for your faithful prayers, I love you!

Denise, so glad we can trust in His timing. Takes a lot off of us doesn't it? ;)

Vicky, I also have gone down to put my heart on the ground. . .there's just nothing like it, to lower yourself as far as you can go to cry out to Him. And it's as if His feet are right there!

Lisa Marie, you're back! So glad! You all are always in my prayers and I so appreciate yours. Love you!

Marie, What a wonderful gift to have parents who prayed for you like that! Thank you so much for your comment and sweet words! You have blessed me today :)

Stacie, Thank you again for your paryers, and you know I pray for your family as well! And interesting your remark about tired of visiting blogs that just say nice things. . .I wrote a post about that very thing, but have not put it out there yet, I will someday.
Bless you and your family!

Reformed rebel said...

Kris...This journey that you and Keith are on is hard. Isn't it amazing how the Lord brings good things out of bad situations though? I believe that one day He will bring Tim back and your family will be stronger than ever!

Blessings and hugs...Chelle