I opened up the e-mail and there it was. An invitation to step out of another comfort zone. An invitation to come speak at a church about the blanket ministry for the homeless I had started several years ago. I actually had spoke at this church last year and they wanted me to come back to give an update and share whatever I wanted. That familiar knot hit me right in the stomach and I typed out “yes” to the invitation.
Speaking in front of a group of people whether it’s 50 or 500, the numbers do not matter, it’s just the act of getting up in front of people with all eyes on me that makes me nervous. I don’t know why. It’s probably selfish. It’s not about me and I know that. And I’m passionate about the homeless. They have become my friends. That is why I can say yes, even though I’m shaking like a leaf. I also can say yes, because I know these invitations are from God and I also believe His promises. . .like the one that says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
A friend responded to me on fb with this quote. . . “The bigger the discomfort, the bigger the blessing.” So true! After every time of stepping out of the comfort zone, I am blessed big time! I am beginning to see the discomfort as a blessing, because when the blessing comes at the end, I know it’s all God. It’s God who speaks through me, it’s God who reaches out and touches, it’s God who does the work. He’s just using this crackpot of a vessel and it is a privilege to be used by Him. I always pray before I leave the house to go speak that all glory would go to Him, my Father, my Savior. And it does. And this makes me happy, sometimes giddy.
I think being a crackpot can be good in some ways because then the light can shine through it. It also allows the cruddy stuff to run out so it can be filled with the good. So maybe, just maybe, this crackpot is ok with the knot in her stomach as He fills her up. Maybe the knot is like the thorn in Paul’s side. . .a reminder? I’d like to tell God that I don’t need a reminder, I know what I need to know, but then I can hear Him say, “I know more.”
Ok Lord, take this crackpot and use her, shakes, knots and all! She's ready.