I Love You So

Long ago I carried you inside me. From the second I heard you were there. . .I loved you so.

As a baby, I would rock you in the middle of the night, soothing you, singing, rubbing your little blonde head, rubbing your arms till you slept again. . .and I loved you so.

As you grew a little more, I taught you all the songs of Jesus. . .this little light of mine. . .marching soldiers, all the little children. . .and you began to sing them all with me as you grinned so big and we would giggle. . .and I loved you so.

As you grew even more, I began to teach you how to write your letters and numbers on the driveway with chalk and we would laugh and you would smile so big. . .and I loved you so.

You grew bigger still and we continued to learn at the dining room table. You learned so well. You wanted Jesus to come into your heart and you shed tears and we prayed and you invited. . .and I loved you so.

You began to grow into a fine young boy, learning so many things, beginning to tap into all the talents God gifted you with. . .and I loved you so.

We would have many conversations, still many laughs, you smiled, I remember you throwing up your arms and saying,  "I love my life". . .and I loved you so.

Then God had our family take a turn in life and we left our Oklahoma home to come to Kentucky. You wrote me a beautiful letter after we arrived saying how appreciative you were of me making the move good for all, you smiled, you hugged me. . .and I loved you so.

After a year your smile began to leave. The conversations became less words and less loving. I didn't understand. . .but I loved you so.

Your eyes became dark, and your words spewed venom and I became sick. . .but I loved you so.

You left before your time and my heart broke and my stomach turned and I couldn't live off of the couch. . .but I loved you so.

The Lord came to rescue me and bandaged my heart, lifted me up and moved me on. . .and I still loved you so.

Years of heartache, watching from a distance, you live a life you said you would never live, watching your face with no more joy, joy disappeared, smile not genuine. . .and I loved you so.

You disappeared, only hearing twice your voice in the span of a year, and now it's been seven. . .but I love you so.

So many decisions made by you I did not understand, I could not comprehend, where was Jesus to you, I did not see, and as I pray for another rescue. . .I still love you so.

The little boy I rocked and sang to and taught and prayed over grew into a young man I do not recognize, I do not know, and I cry as I feel I have lost one so dear. I look at this stranger and. . .I love him so.

I pray with all my heart this stranger will become recognizable, I pray I will see that smile I remember, I pray I will see the joy back on that face, I pray I will meet my son again, but for now as I look at this stranger. . .I will love him so.