Confession (It's good for the soul, right?)

When my husband came home after a long, busy day at work, I wanted to visit. . .chatter was more like it.  This was Tuesday, my day to be alone with the Lord and pray and fast.  So when my husband came home I couldn’t wait to tell him all about my day, what the Lord had said to me, what I read, thoughts and scriptures that came to mind for certain people.  I chattered and chattered and chattered and noticing he was looking at me through glazed eyes, not giving me the response I would have liked.  Hhhmmmpphh!

Now I know better.  I learned a long time ago, that when your husband gets home, it is a good idea to let him chill out and do his own thing to wind down for at least 30 minutes if not an hour.  Then have your ‘together time”. 

So here I go.  I’m going to become vulnerable here once again and confess. . .I can be selfish.  I felt so bad. . .later.  The first line in a book I really liked says, “It’s not about you”.  I know that so well and yet on this day, OUCH!  I got bit by the selfish bug. 

I want you to know though, my sweet husband, even though he told me he was tired, and it was obvious through his eyes, he kept sitting there in the chair with me while I tried to lovingly shove all my words at him.  He could have gotten up to do other things.  He could have told me to “shut up”.  (He would never nor has he ever said that though).  He could have gone up and sat on the roof.  But he didn’t.  He just kept looking at me with those glazed eyes.  When I got done with all my chattering, he politely got up and found a movie in the hutch and put it in to watch.  Again, I went off with a silent hhhmmmpphhh!

I went and found my own movie to watch.  His was done before mine so he came into where I was and I didn’t want him to bother me because I was in the middle of my movie. Again, selfish!  He politely left.  When my movie was over I went into the living room and sat with him.  Hours had gone by now since he came home from work and he was feeling better and ready to visit.  I was tired and couldn’t think of anything to say.  I hope this is sounding comical to you, because if it isn’t, you are going to think badly of me. 

Why is it that I desire to be a godly woman but then there are times I act like a booger?  Because I am still in this earthly flesh.  My spirit is entwined with the Holy Spirit which doesn’t make me perfect but convicts me when I am wrong. I’m so thankful for this.  I’m sure my husband is too.  I tell the Lord and I am sorry.  I deserved a kick in the pants, but I walked away forgiven. And I go on, refreshed, because I know that when Jesus died on that cross, it all was finished. The penalty for my sins was paid. All I had to do was to accept the wonderful gift of salvation and accept Jesus into my heart.  I did just that when I was 12 years old.  A decision I have never regretted! 

I will be better now. I have a Heavenly Father who is always there to listen to me when I want to visit.  He does not ever need to have down time.  I will respect my husbands down time and I will apologize to him.  And I know him so well.  I should after 29 years.  He will just smile that funny smile and put his arms around me and say, ‘that’s ok”.

Only because of grace and forgiveness can a marriage last so long.  Thank you Father, for giving me a husband who is so full of both.  Oh, and humor doesn’t hurt either.

I stand a few feet from a mirror and see the face of a (woman) who failed....who faild her Maker.  Again.  I promised I wouldn't, but I did....If this were the first time, it would be different.  But it isn't....Your eyes look in the mirror and see a sinner, a failure, a promise breaker.  But by faith you look in the mirror and see a robed prodigal bearing the ring of grace on your finger and the kiss of your Father on your face.   (from Max Lucado)

Thank you Father!

Remember, as the bumper sticker says, Christians are not perfect, just forgiven.

Please tell me I am not the only one who falls off her horse from time to time ;)