(written in 2009)This journey of mine to the pond was a major part of a healing process.
I’ve always been a city girl with a country heart. My grandparents ran a 160 acre farm where I spent many childhood days building impressionable memories. That is where I realized I had country in my blood. I never had the opportunity to live in the country though, until Keith, our two boys and I moved to Kentucky
I believe God lured me to the pond to get me even more out in the country where my soul felt free to breathe deeply, to cry hard, to share out loud with Him and for healing to take place far from distractions.
I smile as I think how He healed me before my prodigal returned. I believe one, to show that He provides my identity, purpose, and significance, not anyone else. Two, so I could give all the glory to Him, so no one could say I was healed because of the prodigal’s return. And three, I had to be healed from painful, negative feelings, so when my prodigal did return, I could welcome him back freely with open arms.
God also helped me to leave something behind. Something that tortured this mothers inner being. A word that Satan, the deceiver had been hissing in my ear ever since my son left; my Eagle Scout son, piano award winning son, sweet, sensitive, loving to everyone son, straight A student, four year scholarship earned son, my son who had long talks and read the Bible with me, my son I loved and do love with every fiber of my being, the son who walked out our door to not be seen again for who knows how long; what was that word that the enemy had been torturing me with. . .failure. It felt like it was stamped on my forehead for everyone to see. But God opened my eyes to the truth and held up a mirror of sorts for me to see who I really was. I was a redeemed child of His, a loving mother who was filled with all He gives to us as mothers, and with His help, I did the best I could. The rest had to be in my son’s hands. The Lord let me know that He would strengthen me and He did.
“The Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.”
Second Thessalonians 3:3
The word spat at me for so long is now gone, down deep in the waters with all of the skipped stones that were thrown in.
Yes, God knows what He is doing. When we are in a pit suffering despair because of a situation, we want answers and solutions right now, but sometimes He chooses to give those in a process. If they came too quickly, the lessons He wants us to learn may not have the impact He intends. When we go through a process, we are more likely to learn and remember those lessons.
Remember, God loves us and wants the best for us. He also can see the big picture where we cannot. We have to trust Him, while living obediently for Him.
At the pond, I cried for my son. At the pond I prayed for my son. At the pond I prayed for myself, Keith and our younger son. At the pond, I became closer to my Savior. At the pond began a reunion with my son. How fitting!
I leave the pond for now but I’ll be back, not so much because I need to now but because I want to. It’s a special place for me just like my grandparents farm was.
I don’t leave alone though. God will always be with me wherever I am because he said…
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
Hebrews 13:5
(2011 – I’m so grateful for God’s promises. They can change us but they never change as circumstances can. . .and they did change once again. This story continues. . .
61. raindrops clinging to the eaves...waiting to drop
62. spectacles - that allow me to see words
63. rocking chairs - they're comforting
64. open hands - to let go; to offer all
65. freeing raised hands - to praise and worship my Lord
66. lit candles
67. new perspectives
68. a brand new friend
69. rearview mirrors - seeing how God was working behind the scenes
70. mounds of laundry - you may ask why? - because it means I have loved ones around me to produce this laundry
71.steam - rising from pots on my stove
72. tissues - for tears
4 comments:
Wow girl!! You need to publish your writings! Beautiful!
Kris, as I read this again, I couldn't help but think how perhaps God used your experience with Tim to prepare you for the ministry in which He has placed you now. Because of the choices Tim made, and the lifestyle he chose to live that was so foreign to what you were accustomed to, because of the poverty he subjected himself to...maybe all of this created within you a more compassionate heart for the down and out. Maybe it washed away any judgmental spirit that might have hindered you from loving unconditionally and without reservation the homeless that you have now embraced so fully. I know God didn't cause Tim to leave for this purpose, but do you suppose God USED it to prepare you for His specific service to which He was calling you? I don't know......it's just a thought.....
Love you!
Jennie
Amen to what Chery and Jennie said...
and more, I love your heart you are so willing to open and share with others...I am so going through right now what you are talking about and my heart aches.
Thank you Cheryl, that means a lot to me!
Jennie, I have always had a compassionate heart for the hurting, down and out. But I have thought about this. I never gave homelessness a thought until that book was brought to me. I think I needed something in my life at the time, and maybe this was God's way of letting me use the compassion I already had. I do know that God put me in several ministries during my "hardest time", to be a part of my healing. I so know now that when you are hurting, the best thing we can do is get out and serve others instead of curling up in a little ball on the sofa. It's so much more rewarding and God honoring. And I hope it's a good example to my boys!
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