Welcome

Why a blog from me, someone who has never been a writer, someone who has never been articulate or had a solid grasp of the grammar world. Because God told me to write. Several years ago a life storm invaded my family. God kept telling me to write it all down. I argued, but He would not let up. This went on every day for a couple of weeks until one day out of frustration, (I'd like to say it was out of obedience), I picked up a pen and paper and wrote for 7 hours straight! Do you think maybe I needed therapy and God knew it?

I've been writing ever since and have learned to love it! I started out sharing my stories with friends and family. I've now been published in a Nashville church paper, Our Daily Journey (a devotional site of RBC Ministries), PCCWeb Daily Devotional, Ruby for Women Ezine Magazine, and I am a contributor in the book Alabaster Jars, Life in Abundance Collection 2.

Why Ponderings? During this life storm, God led me to a pond in the woods behind my home. There He met me each time, teaching new lessons, reminding me of old ones, showing His presence and allowing me to feel His love through the surroundings of that pond. I found myself returning over and over to ponder, pray and praise. A healing of my heart took place and out of the experience came my first book, Ponderings From the Pond, then a second book, Ponderings From My Porch, and now a third book is in the works along with a memoir about my storm.

Why am I making myself so vulnerable? Because God has done so much that I cannot keep quiet. I have to share. Jesus's last words to his desciples were, "Go,tell." We are his disciples too and this is just one of my ways of telling.

I'm no scholar but I have heard God's voice in my spirit, experience His love daily, and have a desire for others to experience this also. I would love to share with all who visit and I would love to hear from you. If my sharing gets just one to ponder, to be quiet with the Father, to see and hear from Him or to be reminded of something from Him, then this is worth my vulnerability.

As you visit me, sometimes we will be at the pond, sometimes we will move to the front porch, and sometimes we will just be here, there, and yonder. Thank you for coming and please feel free to come back anytime, you are always welcome here.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19:14

*****EXCITING NEWS*****

My first book, Ya Know What I'm Say'n, has been released.


Ponderings

Ponderings

Thursday, April 24, 2014

I Love You So

Long ago I carried you inside me. From the second I heard you were there. . .I loved you so.

As a baby, I would rock you in the middle of the night, soothing you, singing, rubbing your little blonde head, rubbing your arms till you slept again. . .and I loved you so.

As you grew a little more, I taught you all the songs of Jesus. . .this little light of mine. . .marching soldiers, all the little children. . .and you began to sing them all with me as you grinned so big and we would giggle. . .and I loved you so.

As you grew even more, I began to teach you how to write your letters and numbers on the driveway with chalk and we would laugh and you would smile so big. . .and I loved you so.

You grew bigger still and we continued to learn at the dining room table. You learned so well. You wanted Jesus to come into your heart and you shed tears and we prayed and you invited. . .and I loved you so.

You began to grow into a fine young boy, learning so many things, beginning to tap into all the talents God gifted you with. . .and I loved you so.

We would have many conversations, still many laughs, you smiled, I remember you throwing up your arms and saying,  "I love my life". . .and I loved you so.

Then God had our family take a turn in life and we left our Oklahoma home to come to Kentucky. You wrote me a beautiful letter after we arrived saying how appreciative you were of me making the move good for all, you smiled, you hugged me. . .and I loved you so.

After a year your smile began to leave. The conversations became less words and less loving. I didn't understand. . .but I loved you so.

Your eyes became dark, and your words spewed venom and I became sick. . .but I loved you so.

You left before your time and my heart broke and my stomach turned and I couldn't live off of the couch. . .but I loved you so.

The Lord came to rescue me and bandaged my heart, lifted me up and moved me on. . .and I still loved you so.

Years of heartache, watching from a distance, you live a life you said you would never live, watching your face with no more joy, joy disappeared, smile not genuine. . .and I loved you so.

You disappeared, only hearing twice your voice in the span of a year, and now it's been seven. . .but I love you so.

So many decisions made by you I did not understand, I could not comprehend, where was Jesus to you, I did not see, and as I pray for another rescue. . .I still love you so.

The little boy I rocked and sang to and taught and prayed over grew into a young man I do not recognize, I do not know, and I cry as I feel I have lost one so dear. I look at this stranger and. . .I love him so.

I pray with all my heart this stranger will become recognizable, I pray I will see that smile I remember, I pray I will see the joy back on that face, I pray I will meet my son again, but for now as I look at this stranger. . .I will love him so.

4 comments:

Denise said...

Praying.

Hazel Moon said...

And Jesus loves him so and has never forgotten him!

Lori said...

This touches my heart, thank you for putting words to such heartache and hope.

Joy said...

This post made me cry as I can relate.
I believe God is in control.