Why a blog from me, someone who has never been a writer, someone who has never been articulate or had a solid grasp of the grammar world. Because God told me to write. Several years ago a life storm invaded my family. God kept telling me to write it all down. I argued, but He would not let up. This went on every day for a couple of weeks until one day out of frustration, (I'd like to say it was out of obedience), I picked up a pen and paper and wrote for 7 hours straight! Do you think maybe I needed therapy and God knew it?

I've been writing ever since and have learned to love it! I started out sharing my stories with friends and family. I've now been published in a Nashville church paper, Our Daily Journey (a devotional site of RBC Ministries), PCCWeb Daily Devotional, Ruby for Women Ezine Magazine, and I am a contributor in the book Alabaster Jars, Life in Abundance Collection 2.

Why Ponderings? During this life storm, God led me to a pond in the woods behind my home. There He met me each time, teaching new lessons, reminding me of old ones, showing His presence and allowing me to feel His love through the surroundings of that pond. I found myself returning over and over to ponder, pray and praise. A healing of my heart took place and out of the experience came my first book, Ponderings From the Pond, then a second book, Ponderings From My Porch, and now a third book is in the works along with a memoir about my storm.

Why am I making myself so vulnerable? Because God has done so much that I cannot keep quiet. I have to share. Jesus's last words to his desciples were, "Go,tell." We are his disciples too and this is just one of my ways of telling.

I'm no scholar but I have heard God's voice in my spirit, experience His love daily, and have a desire for others to experience this also. I would love to share with all who visit and I would love to hear from you. If my sharing gets just one to ponder, to be quiet with the Father, to see and hear from Him or to be reminded of something from Him, then this is worth my vulnerability.

As you visit me, sometimes we will be at the pond, sometimes we will move to the front porch, and sometimes we will just be here, there, and yonder. Thank you for coming and please feel free to come back anytime, you are always welcome here.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19:14


My first book, Ya Know What I'm Say'n, has been released.



Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Confession (It's good for the soul, right?)

When my husband came home after a long, busy day at work, I wanted to visit. . .chatter was more like it.  This was Tuesday, my day to be alone with the Lord and pray and fast.  So when my husband came home I couldn’t wait to tell him all about my day, what the Lord had said to me, what I read, thoughts and scriptures that came to mind for certain people.  I chattered and chattered and chattered and noticing he was looking at me through glazed eyes, not giving me the response I would have liked.  Hhhmmmpphh!

Now I know better.  I learned a long time ago, that when your husband gets home, it is a good idea to let him chill out and do his own thing to wind down for at least 30 minutes if not an hour.  Then have your ‘together time”. 

So here I go.  I’m going to become vulnerable here once again and confess. . .I can be selfish.  I felt so bad. . .later.  The first line in a book I really liked says, “It’s not about you”.  I know that so well and yet on this day, OUCH!  I got bit by the selfish bug. 

I want you to know though, my sweet husband, even though he told me he was tired, and it was obvious through his eyes, he kept sitting there in the chair with me while I tried to lovingly shove all my words at him.  He could have gotten up to do other things.  He could have told me to “shut up”.  (He would never nor has he ever said that though).  He could have gone up and sat on the roof.  But he didn’t.  He just kept looking at me with those glazed eyes.  When I got done with all my chattering, he politely got up and found a movie in the hutch and put it in to watch.  Again, I went off with a silent hhhmmmpphhh!

I went and found my own movie to watch.  His was done before mine so he came into where I was and I didn’t want him to bother me because I was in the middle of my movie. Again, selfish!  He politely left.  When my movie was over I went into the living room and sat with him.  Hours had gone by now since he came home from work and he was feeling better and ready to visit.  I was tired and couldn’t think of anything to say.  I hope this is sounding comical to you, because if it isn’t, you are going to think badly of me. 

Why is it that I desire to be a godly woman but then there are times I act like a booger?  Because I am still in this earthly flesh.  My spirit is entwined with the Holy Spirit which doesn’t make me perfect but convicts me when I am wrong. I’m so thankful for this.  I’m sure my husband is too.  I tell the Lord and I am sorry.  I deserved a kick in the pants, but I walked away forgiven. And I go on, refreshed, because I know that when Jesus died on that cross, it all was finished. The penalty for my sins was paid. All I had to do was to accept the wonderful gift of salvation and accept Jesus into my heart.  I did just that when I was 12 years old.  A decision I have never regretted! 

I will be better now. I have a Heavenly Father who is always there to listen to me when I want to visit.  He does not ever need to have down time.  I will respect my husbands down time and I will apologize to him.  And I know him so well.  I should after 29 years.  He will just smile that funny smile and put his arms around me and say, ‘that’s ok”.

Only because of grace and forgiveness can a marriage last so long.  Thank you Father, for giving me a husband who is so full of both.  Oh, and humor doesn’t hurt either.

I stand a few feet from a mirror and see the face of a (woman) who failed....who faild her Maker.  Again.  I promised I wouldn't, but I did....If this were the first time, it would be different.  But it isn't....Your eyes look in the mirror and see a sinner, a failure, a promise breaker.  But by faith you look in the mirror and see a robed prodigal bearing the ring of grace on your finger and the kiss of your Father on your face.   (from Max Lucado)
Thank you Father!

Remember, as the bumper sticker says, Christians are not perfect, just forgiven.
Please tell me I am not the only one who falls off her horse from time to time ;)


Lisa Maria said...

Oh Kristin!

What a wonderful post! I could have written this myself... its so me. I have done the same thing countless times. I even get upset with my husband when he doesn't respond and I say to him 'I just poured out my whole heart to you and you have nothing to say?' It just goes to show that we're not immune to all the 'bugs' that bite others and we just have to get back onto that horse and keep riding ;-)

Praying for your prayer-day to be fruitful.

Love & Blessings

Lisa said...

It's not about me. I do try to remember that, but fail so very often. I'm right there with you, sister. So very thankful for a loving Father who gently corrects and forgives.

Jennie Morgan said...

You just crack me up, girlfriend! I can just see sweet Keith sitting there so patiently all the while wondering just how long you're going to hold him captive! He is such a sweet, patient, adorable man! And you are a precious, forgiven, gift from God!

Love you tons!

h. rae said...

So true. Men need a good 45 minutes to switch from "work mode" to "family mode."

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Kristin -

Thanks for visiting my blog and becoming a Follower. I've returned the favor. :)

Beautiful, transparent post! Your hubby sounds a lot like my late husband. He was also very forgiving.