Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.
I am tired! And I feel guilty for saying that. There are people all around me who do so much more than I do and they deserve to be tired. But I just can't help it. . .I'm tired. . .physically, emotionally, mentally.
I don't think there is anything wrong physically. I just feel worn out. It's hard to get out of bed sometimes. I do hurt in the joints, the muscles, headaches here and there, but I think that is just normal aging going on. I also am just worn out in the brain.
It shows up in my writing, or the lack of writing would be a better way to say it. I have ideas, I have a good start to a second book, but it all just sits there. I stare at it every day and all I can do is think. . .I'm just so tired!
Someone said to me awhile back, "You've shown such compassion to others for so long, maybe it's time for you to show some compassion to yourself." HHmmmm. . . . it sounded funny at first, but then when I find myself out in the back yard sitting on the swing and crying for no reason at all, I begin to think maybe those words need to sink down deeper into myself and be taken seriously. I've been pondering a lot lately and I think about how even Jesus needed to get away for a little while. I am by no means comparing myself to Jesus, whew, how absurd! But it does go to show that the earthly body needs to rest, needs solitude, needs time for reflection, for regrouping.
I have this ongoing conversation with the Lord. I even talk out loud some times and my son has caught me mumbling and he smirks at me. I think he thinks I'm getting old. Maybe THAT'S why I'm tired!
Anyway, I told the Lord I need rest and I need it in Him. So I'm taking a break from the Homeless Outreach at the bridge this week, a place that I absolutely love, from the people I love, because right now. . .I just need to rest, rest my heart, and I'm going to have a little of compassion for myself. And I am so sorry if that sounds selfish. I don't mean to be, but I think the Lord is calling me to rest, to rest in Him, and for this week, I need to rest in Him away from the norm.
I'm so thankful that I serve a Lord who understands my heart, understands this body of mine, understands this mind he gave me. I don't always understand it myself and that is why it is so refreshing to know I can go somewhere where it will be understood.
I'm going to go rest now, rest in His arms and listen to whatever He wants to say to me. I know I'll be back out there next week because I know from these last five years, it's when we open our arms to love that healing comes back, even if it's just for tired bones and mind. But for now these arms need to rest.
Have you ever been so tired mentally, emotionally, you just wanted to go somewhere and cry?
I hope you have a place you can go and remember that He is always near with open
arms waiting for you to come in, to lay down and rest.
Ya know what I'm say'n