I know they meant well. After the precious son left, I kept being told Proverbs 22:6…”Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, will not depart from it.” After so many times of hearing this, I just wanted to scream, “So, I’m suppose to wait until he is old!?” (I’m not a perfect being)
God came in and healed so many ways. But even with a healed heart, a mother still wonders, how long? There comes a point when you have to lay down expectations and love no matter what. It’s a choice. I choose to love even though there is no college education. I choose to love even though the hair is long. I choose to love the dirty fingernails. I choose to love even though there are rare phone calls. I choose to love even though there are few steps over my threshold. I choose to love even though there are no real explanations. I choose to love when there are no real answers. I choose to love when there is green paint on the piano keys. I choose to love when love does not come back. I choose to love in spite of the quiet day after day, week after week, month after month. I choose to love when he comes and when he goes. I choose to love when there is no music. I choose to love as I look at the empty plate.
I choose because I cannot do anything else. His heart beat inside of me for nine months. The child came out but the heartbeat still rings inside of me. He leaves, and yet he is still with me. I love because I cannot do anything else but love the one I bore, this precious gift from God, how could I but not love, no matter what.
The heart chooses to forgive and love grows even more. . .it lets the Eagle Scout go and accepts whoever comes back, because he is still her precious gift, no matter what the wrapping looks like. This love trusts her Heavenly Father, knowing He is working on this one, precious even more to Him. Love stays in the heart, but let’s go, believing it will come back in time as it was meant to be. Love quits asking, “When” and just believes.
“Train up a child in the way he should go and be ready to forgive him.” Ann Voskamp
Yes, we love, we train, we love, we let go, we love in the hurt, we love in the forgiveness, we just love, because we mothers were made to love.
We love because He first loved us.
1 John 4:19
. . .perplexed, but not in despair!
11 Corinthians 4:8
*(sorry, next post will be cheerier)*
5 comments:
My heart is heavy but not for a child. The message still rings true. We choose to love. "There comes a point when you have to lay down expectations and love no matter what. It’s a choice." I love this line.
Blessings to you,
Kendra
it's ok. there are some deep lessons here that we all need to ponder.
keep writing as the Lord leads.
This is a post what touches me. I would feel the same - although it is hard sometimes because my son makes wrong choices. Dangerous choices. Still continue to love him. Despite everything.
God bless you Kristin. You and your family and your ... blog.
Your transparent heart is so touching Kristin; I know how hard it is to miss a child, worry and and grieve about what we can't "fix" right now in this moment. But we love them unconditionally, and we survive because of our faith and trust in God-He always has a plan.
Prayers and hugs Kristin...
Denise :)
this is rawly beautiful...the pain of a mother's heart...to choose to continue to Love...when human love leaves and you must allow the Divine to love through you.
I have passed on a award to you...I am under the weather...I will try to post it tonight...
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